What My Microwave Says About Me

Posted on August 15, 2016 by deconstructingdoctor
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Full disclosure:  This is my microwave AFTER I cleaned it.  It was totally disgusting about 5 minutes earlier

It says I’m:

  • crusty
  • grimy
  • stuffed with bread, cookies, and chips
  • going in circles
  • a hot mess

I love soup.  I open up a can of soup and pour it in a bowl almost every day.  I cook my soup in the microwave because it takes just the one bowl.  The same bowl that you cook the soup in is the same bowl you eat the soup out of -no extra pots to clean, simple.  My microwave has a turntable and you can’t put a paper towel over the soup because as the turntable moves the paper towel gets hung up, falls in the soup, and becomes a soggy mess.  Therefore, I don’t use a paper towel.  I just put the bowl of soup in there and punch in 3 minutes.  Without fail, and for some unknown scientific reason, the carrots in the soup spontaneously combust and bits of carrot explode and then adhere to the walls of the microwave.  No paper towel to catch the shrapnel.  Every time.  Why???

Sometimes I have time to clean the microwave, but mostly I don’t.  Maybe I have the time, but not the inclination.  The carrot bits start to add up.  Maybe other exploding bits from potatoes, beef, and chicken are layered on top of the carrots and eventually I look in the microwave with disgust.  How have I let it get this bad?  What if I drop dead right now?  Friends and family would gather at my home, bring various covered dishes that need to be heated up quickly for the mourners, then open up the microwave and collectively gasp.

She was a good person, but OMG did you see her microwave?  How could she live like that?  Disgusting!  Maybe that’s what killed her…some kind of bacterial overload.

This is NOT how I want to be remembered, nor how I want to die.  So I cleaned the microwave today just in case.  I heated up Beer Cheddar Soup and it exploded as per usual, although no carrots were harmed.  This time it was potato.  The previous crusty layers were at maximum capacity.  It required a little chiseling action to get it all off.  It looks better now.  I can die in peace, but hopefully I will live another day.  It looks like I have a can of Italian Wedding Soup  in the cupboard waiting for me tomorrow.

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7 Responses to What My Microwave Says About Me

  1. Carl D'Agostino says:
    August 17, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Tear off enough paper towel to cover the soup bowl completely letting the bottom of the bowl keep the paper secure. If it is non can soup and if using fresh vegetables make an ice pick hole in pieces of potato or carrot. No explosion. Also, may care to mic veggies in a bit of water till half cooked then add the liquid for rest of heating. Seems different ingredients cook or over cook at varying temps.

    from “The Art of Living Single Bachelor Cooking” by Carl D’Agostino (at this time just hand written notes).

    * I have found that if you stand on just your left foot wearing red socks on both feet(after having rubbed Vicks menthol cream on the soles of your feet), a green hat and play Dazed and Confused by the Doors at a level that makes the windows vibrate, most mic problems tend to evaporate.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 2ndhalfolife says:
    August 15, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Oh dear….are these prepared soup or do you make them? I hate to say it, but have you ever read the ingredients in those?? The sodium in them? Yikes! Even the ‘good’ brands….not really ‘good’ for you. I bet you can come up with some other yummy (and cleaner) microwave meal! Ha ha.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Deb says:
    August 15, 2016 at 2:16 pm

    Yes! Why DO the veggies in soup explode like that. When I warm up veggies I’ve cooked prior to a re-heat they don’t explode – well, as long as I don’t set the timer for way too long. I think we have almost the same microwave, although mine is now so old the white is more yellowish, but it can still explode a butt load of veggies if given the chance.

    Liked by 1 person

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