Not for Human Consumption

IMG_0191Blogging.  Writing.  The great need to share the inner works of one’s brain is a double edged sword.  On one hand, there is this insatiable need to get the words and ideas out, to share them with someone, everyone, to connect, and to feel a shared experience or emotion with others.  On the other hand, there is this feeling of vulnerability, of being too open, too exposed, too consumed by others, a desire to shrink, hide, or flee.

In medical terms, consumption was once used to describe someone infected with tuberculosis (TB).  They had consumption.  Their bodies were consumed by illness.  They wasted away, racked with fever, night sweats, coughing and bloody sputum, their bodies shriveling and shrinking before their eyes.  No one knew at the time that the illness was caused by Mycobacterium tuberculosis, an insidious little bacterium that can wall itself off in neat little cavitations in the lung, eluding attack from the immune system, all the while destroying the lungs and thereby the host.  TB is a nasty little shit.  People could live for a while like that, in complete and utter misery, welcoming death when it finally arrives.  In that time, they likely infected their families and caretakers as TB is highly infectious in close quarters.  Of course, now there are antibiotics to treat TB, but it’s tough.  There is resistance and you have to take multiple antibiotics for up to 9 months to get rid of it.

We never see that kind of consumption anymore at least not where there is modern medical care, but there is consumption.  It seems that there is consumption on a scale never seen before.  There is a beast and it needs to be fed.  It lives in all of us.

Consume or be consumed.  Isn’t that the law of nature?  I suppose it depends on the day, but I could be the subject of either.  Lately, I have felt consumed.  Consumed by work, my family, my thoughts, my worries, my questions, my path, my choices, my future.  The thing that I offer for consumption, my blog, has slowly whittled away.  At one time, I had 12 posts scheduled at once.  My cupboard was overfilled with delicious little morsels, but lately I am writing and posting the same day, a week in between.  Sprinkling bread crumbs.  I haven’t the time to sit and ponder and write.  I have been consumed.

Of course I feel an obligation to post to feed the beast that is my blog consumer.  A lovely docile creature, I picture as purple and fluffy, but with a ferocious appetite and a keen wit.  I love my blog consumer when the food is plentiful and good, but when there is a famine of thought and words, I can feel the pressure.  It’s self induced pressure really.  I just want to make something good.  Something worth consuming.

It doesn’t happen all at once, but slowly over time.  One does not even know it is happening because the change is almost imperceptible until time reveals the aftermath.  Being consumed steals your reserves, your courage, your creativity.  It leaves you spent, hollow, and emotionless.  The soul shrivels and shrinks.  In order to restore the energy and vitality that was once present, one needs to consume, to be fed.  It’s the law of nature.  It’s the circle of life.

I knew that I was having an issue when I wasn’t being funny anymore.  I was having trouble finding the humor in life.  My blogs became so serious and dreary.  I knew that I was reaching the bottom of the barrel not just in my blog, but in life, too.  Somewhere along the way, my reserves of joy were being depleted and I needed to do something fast.  You might find that I’m pulling back a bit.  Maybe not writing quite as often, but it is only for a spell.  The first thing that I have planned is a trip to Disney World with the husband and kids in 2 weeks.  If that doesn’t put a smile on my face, I don’t know what will….



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25 Responses to Not for Human Consumption

  1. abnorxmal says:

    Lovely post! Strangely, everything you have written resonates entirely with me. I feel like I am stuck in a rut, too. It is bittersweet to know I am not the only one. I guess, this is something that tends to plague the human race. Here’s hoping there are better days to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Get out the glue gun😊 or anything really that will put a smile on your face. I don’t like being in the pit for too long. It’s not a good place for any of us. Best of luck and keep me posted about what inspires you❤


  2. ankutom says:

    Pretty expressive! Doesn’t seem you’re out of words. Maybe just tired. Get replenished. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Create Space says:

    I see somebody willing to admit they are human, and that’s refreshing! Play, have fun, enjoy your family, you don’t need to be different or better, you are GOOD ENOUGH as you are! Lovely article.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So glad I’ve found you (your highlight via Discover led me here)! I too recognize the pressure to produce, and to stay connected with our community. I’ve recently found myself trapped in the blogiverse’s version of the gloaming as well. Wondering whether it wouldn’t be better to slide into silence rather than risk sharing pieces of me best left hidden (or that I lacked the skill to artfully portray). For better or for worse, I’m going to choose to continue to sound my barbaric yawp, even if it means that an unseasonably long spell separates my echoes.
    And I hope you do too…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I personally enjoy reading your offerings. Whether funny or serious your words always contain meaning. Maybe you need to exhale and Disney World might help you do just that. Enjoy your trip and have fun. We will be here waiting when you return. I enjoy the good, the bad and the ugly so fear not about what or how often you write, it is always enjoyed. ☺☺☺

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Probably ain’t a blogger out there that hasn’t gone through the same thing. Go get your batteries recharged, have fun, and tell my cousin Goofy hi for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Deb says:

    I’m willing to bet that every single blogger out there has had more than one occasion to step away from their blog. Your responsibility is to you alone, go have fun and consume all that Disney has to throw at you, except maybe not a hot dog just before one of those stomach twisting rides 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, yes! Blogging does get hard and we do feel consumed! Enjoy your holiday and replenish your spirit!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. dawnkinster says:

    I think most bloggers,go through periods when the words and concepts aren’t there, when the muse has gone missing. Enjoy your trip. We’ll be here when you feel like sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Time for a break! Seems like you have a lot going on – I don’t see how ya couldn’t with being a Mom and working is hard enough much less all the other life issues that come along with that on the daily! I remember those days all too well – lots of joy but its seemed there were never enough hours in the day…ever! I’m sure Mother’s Day was a bit hard this year for you as well, but I can tell you that does ease up a bit and get easier too. Try to remember that despite you nature (obviously of a fixer/healer), you are only 1 person and those with such a giving heart tend to forget that the healer needs time to rejuvenate sometimes too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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