You know what I’ve realized?  Life is not like a Pottery Barn Catalog.  Life isn’t all neatly tucked away in cute little wicker baskets on top of shelves.  It’s not neatly filed in boxes and catalogued with metal tag holders.  Life is messy.  It’s cluttered.  It gets a little dusty.  Sometimes life is like stepping on Lego’s in your bare feet because somebody didn’t pick them all up in their designated basket with the little chalkboard sign dangling off of it that says “Lego’s.”

Kids and husbands don’t study the Pottery Barn Catalog for the secrets of the universe to be revealed.  Like I have.  One of the best parts about getting married was registering for gifts from the Pottery Barn Catalog.  After that, it’s pretty much been downhill.  Just kidding.  It’s been great.

I love the endless dishes in the sink and laundry for days.  I love that everyone just lays their stuff wherever they can, cluttering the tables, the floor.  Leaving juice boxes and those tiny little straw wrappers all willy-nilly in the living room.  That’s not how they do it in the Pottery Barn Catalog!!  Smudgy fingerprints on glass, a layer of dust on everything, strange sticky spots on the floor, dog hair on all the blankets.  The Pottery Barn would not have such chaos!!

You know what else doesn’t happen in that damn catalog?  The dog’s too long nails don’t poke and rip holes in their cute little duvet covers.  They don’t make the bed all perfect with too many pillows and then the kids wake up and crawl into the bed and mess it all up. They don’t have mismatched furniture, plates, silverware, and pots/pans.  The stuff on the walls looks collected, but neatly, it’s done cleverly, it has taste and style!

Screw you, Pottery Barn!  Your style and taste are impeccable.  I want to be you, but at what cost?  It’s an impossible existence!  I’m done trying to fulfill your impractical expectations!    You know what else?  I hate that you put everything in 3’s.  3 baskets on 3 shelves with 3 eclectic figurines and 3 uniquely placed wall hangings.  No more!  Everything in my home will be in 4’s from now on!  And I will no longer have so many damn pillows on my bed!

But I do love some wicker baskets and decorative storage boxes.  I will never give up my desire for neat and tidy storage.  Never.

(By the way, what’s up with that name, Pottery Barn, anyway??  They don’t even sell pottery and they wouldn’t be caught dead in a real barn!  All the animals and that smell!  Who are they kidding?  They should be called Wicker Baskets of Lies or something.  OMG. What am I saying?  I still love you, Pottery Barn)