I inhaled deeply and out came the contents of the day in one long breath. The computers, the patients, the staff, the new EMR system. All of the problems. No solutions. So much frustration. I just want to quit!
I collapsed on the bed in a shape that one would be inclined to draw a chalk line around, outlining my final resting place because I would likely never get up from here again.
I lifted my head up slightly to look in my husband’s direction. As if to say, well, isn’t my life shit? Don’t you feel sorry for me? Was he even listening?
He was. His face with the slightest bit of a smile. “At least you’re not digging ditches.”
I laid my head back down. The verbal equivalent of a slap upside the head.
Believe it or not, I’ve dug ditches before. My dad worked construction all of his life and being his only child, I went along during summers and weekends to help. It is a true miracle that I am alive to tell about it. Let’s just say my dad wasn’t very observant of his little child on a busy construction site. How many hammers fell from ladders near my head? How many nail guns, saws, and various other equipment backfired, kickbacked, or just plain did weird shit that could lead to serious bodily harm? How many times had I dodged a 2 by 4 swinging toward my head?
I remember sinking into the couch after a long day. Dirty. Smelly. Sore. Deep down bone tired. Those were long hard days. The pay was bad. The conditions were worse. It was Florida. It was summer. And it was hot.
My dad did that for his entire life (he has since retired).
I work in air conditioning. During normal business hours. And get a decent check. I rarely break a sweat. I eat meals at a table and my hands are clean. I don’t have to use a Port A Potty for bathroom breaks. I have an amazing and loyal staff that help me. I have amazing and loyal patients that need us. They are grateful. They are appreciative. They know that we struggle with this new computer system and they show us patience and grace. It’s not so bad, I guess.
At least I’m not digging ditches. But dammit I could and I would, if I needed to.