Experts predict that Donald Trump will win the U.S. Republican Presidential nomination. Because he is a novice politician, it is difficult to predict how he stands on certain issues. He has vacillated from prochoice to pro life, antiwar to pro war, pro taxation of the rich, to its opposition. He has proposed balancing the budget by cutting spending on education and the EPA -because he really likes the poorly educated and apparently a polluted environment. He also threatens to repeal Obamacare.
If Donald Trump is elected President of the United States in November, how would it affect the U.S. Healthcare System? Here are my predictions:
- The Male Hand/Penis Ratio: Large amounts of governmental research dollars will be funneled into the study of the male hand/penis ratio. Scientists all over the world will marvel at the breakthrough in technologies that will arise. It will be the greatest accomplishment of his presidency. Trump will ensure that all men desiring a penis and/or hand enlargement will get one -free of charge. Routine screening mammograms will no longer be free, however, because that was an Obamacare thing and he wants to repeal Obamacare. Men will be able to grab hold of their shortcomings with a renewed vigor and release the load of doubt from their minds if Trump is elected President.
- Death Panels: There will no longer be death panels….except for women over the age of 50. Who needs those old bags anyway? They have outlived their usefulness. Hillary will be the first to go. Trump wishes these death panels were around prior to his many divorces. It would have saved him a fortune. The only drawback is that there may not be enough young, beautiful, statuesque women to fill the gaps in America -you know, the model types. Trump will make special concessions to allow for models to be shipped in from other countries. It worked for him. There will be model-shaped doors in the walls that line the American borders to allow for their easy access.
- Frivolous Lawsuits: Trump loves to sue people. I don’t like to talk about lawsuits because doctors get sued all the time for lots of money. This probably won’t change under a Trump presidency. Lawsuits will remain a staple of the American way. Lawyers collectively rejoice. Scoundrels.
- Walls: Trump has a thing for walls. Walls keep stuff out. I heard that Trump has an alleged germ phobia. This calls for some walls to be built. Put anyone with anything contagious behind it. Those with the flu, strep, HIV, ringworm, scabies, toenail fungus, lice, Ebola, Zika virus, pretty much anyone with anything. Walls all over the damn place. Walls around hospitals, clinics, and around the White House. Walls with model-shaped doors, because hot chicks get sick, too, but they can also get better and will need to get back in.
- The End of Psychiatry As We Know It: Renowned Psychiatrists have ventured to guess based on Trump’s public comments that he may suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Consider for yourself that a narcissist is a person that has an exaggerated sense of their own importance, a sense of entitlement, they desire adoration, and believe that others are envious of them. Well, forget I mentioned any of that, because when Trump is elected president, Psychiatry will be banned, the DSM-V will be burned, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder will cease to exist as a Psychiatric disorder. This would also serve the dual purpose that his supporter’s mental afflictions will remain undiagnosed.
Trump has turned the Republican Presidential nomination process into a 3 ring circus. People who support Trump often say its because he says what he thinks. Yeah, that’s what worries me. He says a lot, often contradictory, inflammatory , and divisive. His intentions for the United States are only truly known to him. The healthcare industry is already in a tenuous position and deserves a President with a specific and carefully considered point of view, not one whose positions change haphazardly. The American people deserve a President with giant hands -anyone taken a look at Hillary’s hands? Huge. Bernie’s no slouch, either.
Photo Credit: Marialucila Gomez