Too Much

_dsc0144My mom died on July 7th 2016.  My birthday was July 26th and my wedding anniversary was July 28th.  On my mom’s desk in her room, sat two cards, one addressed to me and one addressed to me and my husband.  She had already bought cards for my birthday and our anniversary.  She already wrote notes inside, sealed the envelopes, and had them waiting to give to us almost a month later.

Later, when I cleaned out her room, I found Christmas gifts for me and my children hidden under her bed.  For me, a necklace made of 3 sunflowers, my favorite flower, strung together by a silver chain.  For my children, their favorite toys, My Little Pony and Minecraft.  They don’t know it yet, but come Christmas day, under our tree will be the last gifts from their grandmother.  I’m not sure how that will be received.  Will it be a sad moment?  Will there be tears?  Will they cherish these little trinkets like I cherish that sunflower necklace and those cards?  Her words echoing to me from beyond the grave.

Hope you have a great birthday!  Love you with all of my heart, Mom

Hope your day is as wonderful as you both are!  Love ya lots, Mom

It was just like my mom to have started her Christmas shopping by July.  She had other little gifts, too, likely for her nail and hair ladies or her favorite waitress at the local coffee shop.  She also had two bins in my garage filled with little toys to put in those shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child.  She’d make half a dozen or more of those boxes each year.

She had a way of listening to us throughout the year, listening for our hearts’ desires and then going back and getting it for us later.  I had to limit her to 4 presents per child per year, otherwise Christmas would have been out of control.  Too much stuff!

It sounds sweet, but I’m going to be honest, this is the kind of thing that always drove me crazy about my mom.  What an ungrateful daughter I am!

It was always too much.  She was too good.  She was too generous.  She was too thoughtful.  I didn’t appreciate it like I should have.  I was embarrassed by it.  She loved us so much.  Too much.  More than herself.  She was an incredible person.  She gave so much of herself, leaving so little for herself.  For the joy that giving gave her, there was also a great sadness.    A void.  A let down.  A loss.  Our loss.



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22 Responses to Too Much

  1. What a wonderful mother and left a huge legacy behind for you and your children that will carry on for generations to come. We are all guilty of taking people that we are close to for granted.. but your mother loved you very much and clearly knew that you loved her in the same way. She lives on in heart and mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. marianbeaman says:

    Away with the guilt – just feel the love! I can definitely relate though; my mother died in July of 2014.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 2ndhalfolife says:

    Ah you made me cry again, but again she gifts you, the greatest gift of all! To be grateful in the moment and cherish every day and for what we have while it’s here. To love with all our hearts and accept those we love for who they are, warts and all, and to be patient with them no matter what. Because life is precious and so very delicate, hanging by a thread really, and can be lost at any time. And you have so much time ahead (hopefully) to keep this lovely gift close to your heart and be blessed by its sacrificial meaning. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. wgr56 says:

    Reblogged this on ROAMIN' GNOMIALS and commented:
    A wonderful piece of writing by another writer, which I’m pleased to repost here. Comments are disabled here, but I hope my readers will say kind things on, and consider following her blog, which is richly deserving of your support. Thanks!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Deb says:

    I bet your mom would have said something like, “Oh this is just what mom’s do…” and from your remarks in the comments, you seem to be following that same path. The day will likely come when your own kids say almost these very same words about you. {Hug}

    Liked by 1 person

  6. wgr56 says:

    Just tremendous, skillful, wonderful writing. With your kind permission, I’d like to reblog this in a few hours when I get home. Thanks for sharing such a poignant event from your life. I’m sure your mother would be incredibly touched.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sorry for your loss. A wonderful tribute to your mom.
    Your mom’s love was in the joy of giving, letting you all know how happy you made her. The cards and gifts that you found could be her way of celebrating with you and your family one last time, just because you can’t see her doesn’t mean she’s not there filling your hearts with love.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Barbara says:

    Yes, she was a truly wonderful person and I think of the joy you and your family brought to her life.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh, but what wonderful gifts! I’m sorry for your loss, but it sounds like your mom will be celebrating you this coming holiday season.. in spirit and love. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

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