There is this phenomenon that I would like to discuss. Does this happen to any of you? Of course it does. If you share a bed with another human being, this has happened. It is happening now all over the world.
What is it you ask?
It’s the battle over the covers.
Stay with me for a moment folks. I have a theory about the battle of the covers.
I’m married to a wonderful man for almost 10 years. Our bed is queen sized. Right now, we have a flannel fitted sheet with one of those velour blankets on top that is all soft and snuggly and a quilt on top of that. Every morning upon awaking, ALL of the covers are piled over onto MY side of the bed. My husband has the smallest amount covering him. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I’m always hot and he’s always cold. Why are the covers migrating over to my side, compiling, multiplying, and smothering me to death in the night?
There is some kind of otherworldly psychological warfare going on.
I declare that my husband is pushing the covers onto my side of the bed. That’s right. I am not pulling them, they are being pushed! All night long I find myself pushing the covers back over to his side. I stay still. I swear. I don’t move! How could the covers move so much if I don’t? I worry that he is cold so I push the covers back over, but somehow every morning they end up in the same place. Most on me. Some on the floor on my side and the smallest amount covering my husband.
Why would he push the covers over onto me? I don’t know. I told you it’s some kind of psychological warfare. He wants me to think I’m pulling the covers onto myself even though I’m always too hot.
He’s trying to make me think I’m crazy.
Of course he denies it. He says it’s me. That I pull the covers. This can’t be. I won’t accept that answer. No one would ever purposely do something counter-productive to themselves -like hoarding the covers even though it makes them too hot. Like a self-inflicted punishment of sorts. Conversely, no one would ever take from someone they love just to spite them -like making my husband too cold for no other reason than to cause discomfort. I’m right about this. I just know it. Right? Right…..