Gender Offender

_dsc0187I went to a conference last week.  Alone.  No kids.  No husband.  No friends.  Just me.  5 days in a hotel room.  5 days to navigate an alien city all by myself.  5 days to find peace and calm in an otherwise insanely hectic life.

I am no stranger to being alone.  I like it.  It’s the hoards of people that I find myself interacting with on a daily basis that seem to cause me discomfort.  I just get really drained.  My kids.  My husband.  The patients.  The powers that be.  Everything.  Drains me.  I actually looked forward to this little retreat.

What surprised me and what I had never felt before was a strange sense of vulnerability and fear.

Let me explain.

I pride myself on being able to maneuver in any neighborhood, with any people, at any time of day.  I just have no fear of people.  Except this time.  Inside, I felt a little scared.  What I hadn’t realized until I found myself completely alone, was the toll that the last several months have taken on me.  The onslaught of media coverage of the recent election.  The man attacking the woman.  The man stalking her during debates.  The “locker room” language about “grabbing pu$$y.”  The inability of the man to be decent so that my children could actually watch TV without hearing bleeped out curse words.  Hitting below the belt and then taking a little grab.  The man’s supporters condoning ungodly behavior and then saying it was God’s plan.  It was all too much.

I have no fear, but I’m not stupid.  I carry mace.  I lock my doors.  I have my key ready so I’m not fiddling in my purse.  I am aware and observant at all times.

After the election, with so many people seeing no problem with being an asshole, speaking like an asshole (I know I curse, too, I’m an asshole, too), treating others like they are less than.  I felt vulnerable.  The normal expectation of being treated decently because I treat others decently just doesn’t exist.  Anything goes.  You can say and do whatever you want to whomever you want.  People who aren’t very nice have been empowered.

The world seems like a scarier place for it.

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14 Responses to Gender Offender

  1. 2ndhalfolife says:

    The world is a much worse place!! I don’t know if you read my ‘political’ blog about that very thing. It’s a very, very sad thing….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gee you hit the nail o the head here. You are so right. People are more brazen because after all we will have a president that says terrible things and acts like a bully Folks follow suit. They’ve been brain washed, sort of like the Stockholm syndrome.


  3. Mike Kizer says:

    An interesting perspective, which I have not seen expressed before. However I don’t think that general society has changed. I think it has always been that way in most places, but never in my space.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. V.J. says:

    So well stated! Haters have been empowered and the repercussions are being felt over here in Canada.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Deb says:

    You’re correct. There has been, at the very least, a subtle change in my perception of my surroundings and a lurking wariness. It’s like a scary movie-you know something is standing just beyond your sight around that familiar corner of your kitchen door and your focus on what that might be is clouding your ability to move freely in what used to be your comfortable and safe home.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. drugopinions says:

    I think I know what you mean. When I first immigrated to 🇨🇦 Canada many years ago, I experienced racism, but societal intolerance and education seems to have made it go away, at least it was not public tolerated. But after the election for the first time, I felt it again. I walked by a man one day and he gave me a disapproval look. It was the look that I haven’t seen for a long time. It was a look of disapproval why I was there in the first place, that perhaps I don’t belong here. I haven’t felt that and experienced that for years until after the election. I don’t feel as safe anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

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